The Blend

 

This weekend I took an excursion into the hinterlands of the Unknown, to a place so far towards the edge of the Map that it barely registers on the everyday consciousness. This was not a fit of madness or the exploration of a geographical curiosity; it was, in fact, a quest for coffee. Friends had contacted me to say that they had discovered a “Steampunk cafe” in Toongabbie. My response to the idea of a cafe with neo-Victoriana trimmings was “cool!”; the notion of such a confection located in Toongabbie was met with a “what the...?”. So, an adventure was planned.

Those of you who know Sydney, know that there’s a definite divide between the East and the West. The Western Suburbs are generally tagged with the mark of the low-brow, the Land of the Bogans. This is a gross generalisation, and somewhat unfair given the cost of living that constantly drives people out of the East but, as they say, there’s no smoke without fire, and the environs of Parramatta have rarely been known as a cultural hub. The further suburbs of Sydney cannot be said to be beautiful, despite the (sometimes questionable) efforts of local councils, and Toongabbie is not a pretty place. It is industrial, flat and slowly filling up with the overblown pre-fab mansions that are the hallmark of residents who are overly concerned with conspicuous consumption and not at all with taste.

 

We had a little trouble finding The Blend, after arriving at our co-ordinates via a Kiwi-toned GPS guide, and realised that it was due to the fact that the front of the cafe is flat brown: the awning overhead has a proud letter ‘B’ displayed, however, since it is the same colour as the entire facade it doesn’t really leap out and grab your attention. As it was, we literally stumbled onto the joint almost by accident, whilst trying to correlate the info provided by Google Maps with our own sensory input.

 

Of course, prior to embarking on our journey, we had taken the precaution of researching our quarry. The Facebook page and website associated with The Blend showed a fair degree of sophistication and warmth; we were speedily assured that our destination would be pleasant and accommodating, as indicated by the lavish photography. However, ‘teh Interwebz’ can be a little deceptive, as we all know, and we were about to have another lesson in this regard:

The place is the size of a postage stamp. I kid you not. The photos I’ve included here are those from their Facebook page and they give the impression that the cafe is much bigger than it actually is. These shots are obviously from early days: there is a whole lot more clutter now, and fewer actual seats. It’s amazing what some creative photography can do.

 

We arrived at about 11.00 in the morning and the joint was jumping. Outside were almost a dozen filled seats under umbrellas, allowing diners a sumptuous view of the urban banality that is Portico Parade, Toongabbie; inside was a single booth (occupied) and two tables (occupied) as well as a bar along the wall running towards the service area which, if occupied, would have created a fire hazard. Standing there, trying to work out if we were, after all, in the right place, we pretty much accounted for the balance of the available space within. Two girls at one of the tables decided that, having finished their brunch, they were simply restricting commerce, and so obligingly exited: we didn’t have to wait too long for a seat on this occasion, but I’m sure it must often get tricky.

I call it a “table”; it was actually two small side tables bracketed by an old train carriage seat against the wall, with a renovated loveseat opposite. The arrangement made up in charm what it lacked in utility, but it wasn’t uncomfortable. My reservations would have been greater if I had chosen to eat something: this wasn’t a situation that would have worked if cutlery and plates had been thrown into the mix, but negotiating a cup of coffee was no problem. Scanning the place, it seemed that the other table was the only one which would have comfortably accommodated dining, and the grotesquely obese customer seated there certainly seemed to be having no trouble getting outside his early lunch.

The decor strives to be as Steampunk as possible and largely succeeds in this regard. Greg Bridges, the owner/operator, is widely known as an illustrator and did the concept art for the third Narnia movie, “The Voyage of the Dawn Treader”. His oil canvases adorn the walls in heavy gold frames and they are truly amazing and intricate. The rest of the place feels very sepia-toned (probably due to the glass-panelled door hanging from the ceiling to hide the ugly neon light fixture) and there’s a definite neo-Victorian élan at work. It does feel a little low-key however, as if they’re trying to hint at Steampunk without actually coming out and saying it. While we soaked up the atmos., Greg came over for a chat and we encouraged him in his decorative ambitions; responding to our enthusiasm, he broke out his prescription-lensed goggles for us to see, thus proving his Steampunk credentials.

Ultimately though, as Greg says on his business card, it’s all about the coffee. I’d had a reasonable cup of joe earlier in the day that had barely touched the sides; I was seriously looking forward to what The Blend had to offer.

 

There were two blends available: the house bean is a concoction entitled “Dark Angel”; it comes in a black bag with an acid-green label. I had one cup of this and it almost blew the top of my head off. It’s rich and dark and, as the label says, “high powered”. I’m no coffee slouch, but it usually takes a few more cups than that to make me feel that way. This coffee stands up in the porcelain and says “I’m a real coffee! You better be sitting down!”; it also says, “I’m coming home with you!”, and that’s exactly what happened.

 

The other blend on offer is the “Bright Angel”, a fusion no less flavoursome but with far less caffeine. It’s warm and rich and perfect for those out there who like to adulterate their addiction with milk.

The space limitations really affect the service of food: signs attest to the fact that The Blend does most of its trade in the form of take-away orders for lunch and breakfast. My co-explorers tasted the cakes on offer and deemed them excellent – they certainly looked appetizing, as did the feast that the man-mountain in the corner was wolfing down. Greg did mention that there was a possibility of expanding and this will serve to improve the venue immensely.

If – for any bizarre reason – you find yourself in this backwater part of Nowhere, check out The Blend; it’s a little caffeine oasis in the midst of a whole bunch of nothing, and with a snazzy style. If coffee is where your world starts and ends, this is a fun little excursion to make and the Angels are well worth the effort. I’m glad I went, but I think I’ll be waiting for the expansion to happen before I head back.

The Blend

17 Portico Parade, Toongabbie NSW

0451 994 265