Loch Ness

The ‘Scottish Lake’, as we’ll refer to it, is a constant mystery which has relevance to the Mythos and the broader currents of the human psyche. Here’s a grab bag of lake-y things for your delectation:

Notes on Nessie: the Secrets of Loch Ness.

This is a problematic text.

The Loch Ness Monster story dates from 1933 when a touring circus camping on the shores of Loch Ness turned a local ghost tale into a cash-reward situation for anyone able to bring forward evidence of the beast. Of course, nothing was discovered, but many people inevitably went to the circus on “Nessie’s” dime. In later months, footprints (created using a hippopotamus-foot umbrella stand) were discovered and de-bunked and then, in 1934, the infamous “Surgeon’s Photograph” hit the press and created a worldwide craze. This photo – which is either a snapshot of the snorkelling trunk of a swimming elephant (from a certain circus troupe) or a rubber snake’s head mounted on a submarine model – has inevitably been proved a fake, but still, there are people who simply will not let the mystery die a graceful death.

Why? Because in 1900, thirty-three years before anyone ever heard of the Loch Ness Monster, Robert Allan McGilchrist wrote and published a pamphlet about it.

McGilchrist was a cryptozoologist and conspiracy-theorist before his time. His other published pamphlets on, among other subjects, the true history of the Lambton Worm and the presence of Naiads (again, in Loch Ness) had alienated him from his family and driven him into the existence of an eccentric recluse, before he was found drowned in a pool on his own Lothian property. The “Notes on Nessie” mention connexions from Loch Ness to the ocean deeps, in times before this became a common theory as to how ‘Nessie’ continually avoids radar and sonar sweeps; but his purplish prose about those same deeps implies a connexion to subaqueous powers all too familiar to those versed in Mythos lore.

And anyway: what had taken place to make a circus owner and a few unscrupulous locals capitalise on the ‘local tales’ in the first place?

(Source: Brian Lumley, "Beneath the Moors")

English; Robert Allan McGilchrist; Edinburgh, 1900; 1/1d2 Sanity loss; Cthulhu Mythos +2 percentiles; 1 week to study and comprehend

Spells: None

[Note: Obviously I’m giving Lumley the benefit of the doubt on this one. It’s clear that he dove straight into this tale without doing any research about the Loch Ness monster at all!]

English, Frank Searle, Nessie – Seven Years in Search of the Monster, Coronet Books / Hodder and Stoughton, London,1976.

Octavo; paperback, illustrated wrappers; 127pp., with 8pp. of monochrome plates. Mild shelfwear; else, near fine.

Frank Searle was an ex-military train-spotter who discovered Nessie and decided where his life’s destiny led. Seriously, reading this memoir, I’m not sure if he was waiting for the monster or just seeking notoriety.

There are many photos in this publication but they’re accompanied by all of the riders and caveats that you’d expect of the average legal settlement. I kept wanting to hear statements from the other witnesses that were purportedly there at the various times written of, but these were not to be had. Instead we have blurry photos. Not convincing.

My sense is that Frank had watched too many episodes of “The Professionals”; his efforts were more about pulling birds rather than quantifying the existence of a creature in Loch Ness (and there are plenty of photos of these women, too, and none particularly blurry). It’s an interesting narrative of his life - living rough on the shores of the Loch; fighting the local authorities to be allowed to display and discuss his discoveries - but not much else.

English; Frank Searle (Monster Hunter Extraordinary); Coronet Books, UK, 1976; 0/1d2 Sanity Loss; Cthulhu Mythos +0%; 1 week to study and comprehend

Spells: None

*****

Lake monsters are however, not simply a product of the British Isles. The following selection of goodies will display this fact:

The X-Files, Season three: “Quagmire”

Manners, Kim (Dir.), 2007 (first aired 1996), X-Files, Season 3: “Quagmire”, Twentieth Century Fox Home Entertainment LLC.

SCULLY: “What was that?

MULDER: “I don’t know, but it ain’t no duck!”

The X-Files tackled the ‘lake monster’ question in this episode of Season Three. The scuttlebutt has it that the credited writer of this episode, Kim Newton, failed to meet the deadline and so the excellent Darin Morgan stepped in to round things off. This explains much of the delicious glee that permeates the tale. Following the disappearances of a Scout master and a government biologist, Mulder dupes Scully into accompanying him to a tourist trap where a lake monster is reputed to dwell. Scully takes her dog Queequeg which is a mistake, as this doughty little investigator gets chomped by the predator aping the real monster.

There is a sense that lake monsters like Nessie aren’t really real but are great for adding a tourist-dollar cachet to appropriate venues, and consequently a lot of the American and Canadian versions of the ‘Loch Ness Monster’ come off as also-rans: Americans trying to regain that authenticity that only Europe seems to hold. The set-up for this episode balances the commercial desire to have a lake monster, against the vinegar-sucking morality of environmental scientists everywhere.

In turn, Mulder’s willingness to believe and Scully’s hard-nosed science are scorned: they end up on a rock in the middle of the lake with – equally – no clue as to what’s going on. The dog gets eaten and the FBI agents throw in the towel, having slaughtered the new apex-predator in the neighbourhood, allowing the actual lake monster to keep on keeping on.

From memory this was a polarising instalment in that it unequivocally showed a cryptozoological entity at the end of the episode without any explanation. Me, I was just annoyed that Scully’s dog got eaten as a throwaway gag. Geez, I know she only adopted the dog in “Clyde Bruckman’s Final Repose”, and that we saw him in action again briefly in “War of the Coprophages”, but I thought there was more to him than this. “Chomped by a Lake Monster” is a rude epitaph for this little guy. After all, he’s the sort of survivor who’s willing to ration out bits of his former owner when the chips are down...

Anyway, for lake monsters, watch this: if only for the revival of the drugged-out dudes who return from “War of the Coprophages”. Can I type ‘coprophages’ again? Yes, I can: ‘coprophages’. There’re only so many times in your life when you can say ‘shit-eater’ in a socially-acceptable fashion...

Morgawr: The Monster of Falmouth Bay

A pamphlet produced in Cornwall and designed to capture the holiday trade. The document discusses the possibility of there being a large, plesiosaur-like creature dwelling in the waters of Falmouth Bay, north of Mawnan in Cornwall. Links are made between reported sightings of the ‘monster’ and local legends about a creature named the “Morgawr” which was banished by a local saint in ages passed. The pamphlet also discusses the “Owlman of Mawnan”, including the investigation of that case by local artist, alternative lifestyler, part-time pagan and full-time hoaxer, Tony “Doc.” Shiels.

Unfortunately, after revelations published in Strange magazine, the details in this booklet must necessarily be approached with suspicion.

English; Anthony Mawnan-Peller; 1976; 0/0 Sanity loss; Cthulhu Mythos +0 percentiles; 1 hour to study and comprehend

Spells: None

In 1991 Strange magazine published transcripts from a series of tapes made of talks with Shiels, in which he discusses the possibility of hoaxing the people of Falmouth with a sea-serpent story. “Doc.” Shiels is heard discussing the fabrication of the Falmouth Bay Monster, mentioning the involvement of local fishermen to make false sighting claims and prompting how to take the photos of the “Morgawr” for best effect.

The article quotes from three different recorded sessions reporting him as saying:

30th January 1976:

"I am a born hoaxer..."

"I think that I mentioned that I am hoping to hoax the people of Falmouth, and thereabouts, here in Cornwall, into thinking that there is a Cornish sea monster on the loose..."

4th February 1976:

"They have to be bad photographs in order to seem authentic..."

19th February 1976:

"Of course we are going to have our hoaxing session here with the Cornish sea monster..."

"[There is] a great revival in public interest in things that are strange and mysterious, and we may as well ride the crest of this wave as long as we possibly can..."

"A fisherman friend of mine... he is a good man to start a little bit of a rumour going down here concerning the famous Cornish sea monster as will be (heh-heh!). We hope to build the thing up during the next three or four weeks. Paul has agreed to see something strange within the next few days when he is fishing..."

Top 5 Lake Monsters of China

Lake Tianchi, Jilin province

The Changbai Mountain is the highest mountain in Northeast Asia, at 2,189 metres (6567 feet) above sea level; the nearby Lake Tianchi is regarded as the deepest mountain lake and the largest crater lake in China, at 373 metres (1119 feet) in depth. Legends about the monster hidden in this lake go back more than a century, the first reported sighting taking place in 1903. There have been more than 30 reported sightings by Chinese and overseas tourists over the past 20 years, accompanied by quite a few dodgy pictures and videos of this creature, none clear enough to give a reasonable sense of what it is.

"Some enthusiasts are coming up with computer images of it based on interviews. I do hope this will be helpful to unveil this century-old mystery" said Wu Guangxiao, a long-time investigator of the Tianchi Lake monster.

Qinghai Lake, Qinghai-Tibet Plateau

Qinghai Lake is located in the north of the Qinghai-Tibet Plateau in China and is the largest landlocked lake in China. Its elevation is 3196 metres (9588 feet), with an area of 4583 square kilometres (1769.5 square miles) and a depth of 328 metres (984 feet). In 1947, a lama saw a monster like a dragon swimming in the azure waters of Qinghai Lake; in 1949, a peasant saw a monster there with a snake’s head and scales that “glistened under the sunshine”. Several dozen people have witnessed the lake monster since these sightings, but the Qinghai Lake monster remains a mystery.

Kanas Lake, Xinjiang

Located in China's Xinjiang Uygur Autonomous Region, Kanas Lake runs 25 kilometres ( miles) in a north-south orientation; it is about 2.5 kilometres (15.54 miles) wide, and 188 metres (564 feet) deep at its lowest point. As a national preserve, it has abundant natural resources and various species, as well as beautiful views. Legend has it that huge monsters dwell in the lake's depths and they often drag drinking horses and camels into the water before swallowing them. Many people believe that the monster is actually a kind of rare fish named "Hucho taimen" ("huge red fish"), the biggest ones attaining a length of over 10 metres (30 feet) and which have been known to drag livestock from riverbanks and lakesides. On July 5th at 8:20 pm in 2007, a few tourists carrying portable video cameras recorded huge ripples moving on the surface of the lake, lending fuel to the myth of the Kanas Lake monster.

The Monster of Changtan, Shennongjia, Hubei

Shennongjia is a nature preserve located in the west of Hubei province; it covers 3,000 square kilometres (1158.3 square miles) and shelters some of the country’s many endangered creatures and plants such as Chinese dove trees, South China tigers, white bears and white snakes. Changtan Lake in the middle of this reserve is said to be the home of a giant creature with grey skin, an oblate head, giant eyes and five-fingered paws. There have been over 20 reported sightings of the beast in recent years.

Monster of Wenbu Lake, Tibet

Kunzha district, in the Tibet Autonomous Region governed by China, is the home of Wenbu Lake. It sits at 4,535 metres (13,602 feet) above sea level with an area of 835 square kilometres (322.4 square miles). In the 1950s, a lake monster was reported there, which had a small head, big eyes, and a long neck with grey-and-black skin covering a body resembling that of an ox. There have been no recent sightings.

Taimen (Hucho taimen)

The Taimen is believed to be an offshoot of the Danube Salmon, a freshwater, trout-like fish which spawns in alpine lakes and high-altitude riverine environments. The difference between the two species is that the Danube Salmon is relatively small while the Taimen can grow to considerably larger dimensions.

The Taimen has recently been named as one of the great game fishes of the world and tourist activity to its homelands has risen dramatically. At present, the fish can only be hunted with unbarbed hooks and must be released back into the wild soon after capture; one can but speculate how long this state of affairs (if it truly even exists) can last.

The Taimen is a super-predator; that is, it feeds not only upon the normal prey within its ecological niche, but also upon other predators with similar dietary requirements. In this sense it is highly susceptible to environmental changes which affect the lower rungs of its food chain.

That being said, there are places in China where the Taimen has positively thrived. Legends of lake monsters in the country are said to be the hysterical reports of Taimen attacks in lakes where they have grown to gigantic proportions; a 1985 study of such a lake yielded reports of 10-15 metre (33 to 49 feet) long Taimen weighing up to 4 tonnes (over 8,000lbs) living there. These mammoth fish have been blamed for the taking of sheep, goats, oxen, yaks and even horses from the waters’ edge of their home lake. In game-fishing circles the largest recorded Taimen was slightly over two metres (6 feet) long and weighed 60 kilograms (132.28lbs).

Individual Keepers may choose to explain the presence of so-called lake monsters in China by means of the Taimen; alternatively, those creatures may be Lloigor, manifestations of the Xin, monstrous aquatic Lotus-spawn, even abominations created by the machinations of Yidhra, depending upon their particular story.

TAIMEN, Monstrous River Spawn

Char.: rolls/averages

STR: 5D6+25/42-43

CON: 3D6+25/35-36

SIZ: 7D6+20/44-45

POW: 2D6+6/13

DEX: 3D6+6/16-17

Move: 13

HP: 40-41

Av. Damage Bonus: +4D6

Weapon: Bite 40%, damage 1d10

Armour: 6 points

Skills: Ambush Waterside Dawdlers 75%

Habitat: Rivers and lakes of northern China, Mongolia and Russia

*****

But, getting back to the Scottish Highlands, here’s a literary reference to the Loch Ness mystery that pre-dates all of the above.

The Life of St. Columba

Latin; Adomnán; 6^th Century AD; 0/1D2 Sanity Loss; Cthulhu Mythos +1; 1 week to read and comprehend

The scribe Adomnán wrote a tale into the life of St. Columba in the 7^th Century. A century previously, while travelling along the River Ness – which eventually flows into Loch Ness – the Saint and his companion, Luigne moccu Min, encountered a group of Picts burying a dead man. When asked how the man had come to grief, they replied that a “water beast” had erupted from the river, mauled the man and then dragged him under. Their efforts at rescue had come to naught: the man’s body was recovered but he was dead.

Hearing this, Columba turned to his companion and ordered him to swim across the river, which Luigne proceeded to do. The beast appeared and began to attack; however, St. Columba made the sign of the cross and commanded the creature to “go no further, Do not touch the man. Go back at once”. As if “pulled back with ropes”, the creature fled the scene and the Picts thus came to the worship of the Christian God.

Believers in the Loch Ness monster cite this incident as proof that the creature has been around for quite awhile. Working against this notion is the fact that other saints in other parts of the country have been saddled with very similar stories – water creatures repelled by invocations to a higher power. Some cryptozoologists believe that the beast may actually have been a walrus, while others tend to focus on the location – not the Loch but the River Ness – as a flaw in the theory. All that can really be said is that the story exists – penned one hundred years after St, Columba’s time – and that it is the only relatively serious report that pre-dates 1933. Even then, it doesn’t prove that a tradition of monster legends existed before the circus came to Inverness...

Incident at Loch Ness

PENN, Zak (Dir.), 2004, Incident at Loch Ness, Eden Rock Media

“When I look back, and I hear people talk about what suffering, I say to myself, "Who suffered more than I did"? I mean, other than the people who died. I mean, obviously, they suffered more because, well, they're dead. But, you could make the argument that they're dead, so they're not really dealing with it, whereas I live with the guilt, and I live with the sadness.”

Zak Penn

Written by director Zak Penn with the collaboration of German filmmaker Werner Herzog, this is an off-beat and bizarre movie centring on the Loch and its eponymous beastie.

The plot involves a documentary crew who pursue Herzog as he sets about filming his own piece about the Monster – a film with the working title “Enigma”. The documentary crew follow Herzog and his “producer” Zak Penn, as they rent a boat, hire radar equipment and personnel, and start to explore the Loch for clues as to the monster’s existence. Arguments arise over tensions between the director and Penn as to how the filming should progress and about the sort of film that they are trying to make. As things start to boil over, dark shapes in the water capture the attention of both the film crew and cast, and the documentary makers observing them. This dissolving of the divide between the viewed and the viewer is classic Herzog, and this film walks a fine line between humour, horror and some extreme avant-garde experimentation...

Zak Penn: “At least we're not dragging the boat over a hill...”

Werner Herzog: “What was that?”

Zak Penn: “Uh... nothing.”

*****