In Deep – 16: The Opener Of The Way

There’s nothing as restorative as a good hot shower and a close shave. I wiped away the mist from the bathroom mirror and gazed upon myself re-born. Or re-spawned, whatever. I straightened my tie and flashed myself a razor grin. As I left the bathroom, I heard a faint whirring sound that piqued my interest.

‘Rodney,’ I called, ‘is that you?’

Beyond the bead curtain in the kitchen, Rodney’s screen blinked in to life. ‘Is that me what?’ he asked.

‘Never mind,’ I said, ‘I think it’s coming from out front.’

I tiptoed through the mess in my front room and peered out through the venetian blinds. Out on the front lawn was a little fellow in a black mackintosh. He’d unearthed the lawn mower from wherever it had vanished to and was busily clearing the grass in the grey morning rain.

‘Now, what the hell is this?’ I muttered.

I wandered out onto the front porch and stood at the top of the steps. The guttering along the front of the house was trying, but not quite succeeding, in directing the flow of the rain, so I had to find a position where I could see the busy gardener without an intervening wall of water.

‘Hey buddy!’ I yelled, ‘what gives?’

By way of reply he ducked his head and gave me a quick wave of his hand. Then he went straight back to work. Grumpily, I went back inside and grabbed an umbrella from the stand just inside the door. Most of these don’t work, since we tenants tend to view the umbrella stand as a place where they go to die, rather than a convenient storage area, but I found a white, colourfully polka-dotted one that would serve.

Outside, I strode across the newly mown hay and moved in front of the mower; I put one foot on the front of it and stopped the little man’s progress sharply. From this vantage point, I took him in more clearly: he stood about five feet tall and was completely veiled in the plastic raincoat which had been designed with someone much larger in mind. The sleeves had been tidily folded and wrapped around his wrists before being gaffe-taped into place. Nestled within his hood, his face was like a cheery apple, with round ruddy cheeks and squinty eyes; a pencil thin moustache traced the line of his upper lip. A look of disappointment creased his features, and he sadly pushed at the mower a couple of times to try and get it moving again.

‘Look pal,’ I said, ‘I appreciate the handiwork, and Dagon knows the lawn needed a trim, but who are you and why are you doing this?’

He beamed up at me and waggled an admonishing finger. ‘No, no, no,’ he said chirpily, ‘I’m not the One You Need To Talk To. Treat me as though I’m Not Here.’

I blinked at him. ‘Not possible buddy,’ I said, ‘you’re demonstrably present and engaged in mowing my front lawn, a task for which, if you’re expecting payment, you’ll be sadly disappointed.’

Again with the finger-wagging. ‘The Task is necessary,’ he said, ‘in order to facilitate the Arrival. I am merely the Opener of the Way, not the One Who Comes.’

I was getting a headache; the beneficial after-effects of a hot shower and shave were rapidly fading into the past.

‘Who’s coming?’ I asked; ‘Why are they coming?’

He shrugged and flashed me a sad, commiserating smile. ‘These things are not Mine To Know,’ he said, ‘I am merely the...’

‘...Opener of the Way. I heard.’ I looked around, ‘Can I ask you why this has to happen here?’

He nodded excitedly and twiddled his fingers on the lawn mower’s handle. ‘Ooh yes,’ he said, ‘that’s easily answered. It is at this point that the Veils between this reality and the Akashic Record are at their most permeable. It might have served our Purpose to be closer to the centre of this settlement, but the forces here create a Certain Expediency...’

I clenched my jaw and glared up at Mrs. Pettifer’s window. ‘Okay, so it has be here. But this One...’

‘...The One Who Comes...’

‘Yeah that guy: who’s he expecting to see when he gets here?’

‘Ooh! That’s easy,’ the little fellow beamed again, ‘a Representative of Your Kind.’

‘A rep...? You mean just anyone who lives in Innsmouth?’

‘No, no, no,’ he contradicted whilst wagging, ‘specifically, one of. Your. Kind.’

The emphasis was not lost on me. I rubbed my face with my free hand. This was yet another bizarre link in an ever-growing chain of crazy that seemed to be intent on enveloping me no matter what I did to try and avoid it. I took my foot off the front of the mower.

‘Okay,’ I said, ‘Whatever. At the very least I get my lawn mowed, so there’s the upside.’ I stepped aside and the little man twinkled at me before launching into his work once more. I stalked back inside and ransacked the kitchen until I found an unopened pack of cigarettes.

‘What’s going on?’ queried Rodney as I got ready to go outside once more.

‘I’m negotiating with the gardener,’ I growled

Rodney whistled. ‘Wow: servants. Aren’t we swanky?’

‘Go surf the Deep Net, Rodney,’ I snarled and barrelled my way through the bead curtain.

Outside, I was surprised to see that the Opener had completed the mowing. Now, he was setting up some kind of intricate apparatus, a device of wheels, tubes and mirrors that emerged piece by piece from inside a black plastic trunk. I smoked grumpily as I watched him and then saw him give his work a self-satisfied nod. Turning to me, he walked up the front stairs and handed me a type-written sheet of paper, in a plastic sleeve to keep it out of the rain.

‘You should look this over before the One To Whom It Refers arrives,’ he said. He moved to one side and stood contentedly with his arms behind his back, humming quietly and swaying gently up and down on the balls of his rubber-booted feet. I clamped my cigarette in my mouth and squinted through the smoke at the page before me. It went like this:

“We hereby notify the Receiver of this Missive, of the impending Arrival of its Issuer, in accordance with the Arrangement previously discussed.

‘You guys sure like to capitalise, don’t you?’ I looked over at him; he simpered by way of an answer.

The Purpose of this Meeting, as outlined in that previous Conference, is the enacting of a Transaction for Mutual Benefit between all Parties. The Issuer’s Good Faith in this matter can be inferred by the Difficulties experienced in manifesting their Arrival.

It is earnestly to be hoped that there shall be no Reneging of the Bargain, or Waiving of the Agreement by any of the Parties united under this Contract, as such Activity will generate Ill Will and General Consternation.

Given the Haste in which this Arrival has been organised, the Issuer cannot be held responsible for any Activity by the Hounds of Tindalos which may result.”

‘“Hounds of Tindalos”?’ I looked over at the Opener. He mildly shrugged his shoulders and kept on humming.

Suddenly, there was a bright flash and an enormous cracking sound. The air above the front yard warped and pulsed and disgorged an enormous writhing thing before me. The eruption blew my cigarette out of my hand and rattled the dead hydrangeas.

‘This day is just getting better and better...’ I muttered.

To Be Continued...