Monday 8 January 2018

Two Shark Flicks...

Awhile back I reviewed a movie called “The Shallows” which was about a young woman trapped on a rock in the ocean by a marauding Great White Shark. Starring Blake Lively, it was a captivating and genuinely stressful experience, and also one that didn’t talk down to its female lead, or pull any punches with the toothy fish. I had a good time watching it and, coincidentally, managed to catch “Jaws” on telly a few nights later (it’s still good, but I think “The Shallows” is better – chew on that controversial little morsel!). Anyway, since then, I’ve had my passive radar pulsing, seeking out other movies with finny adversaries and I came up with these two.


KENTIS, Chris, “Open Water”, Lions Gate Films/Plunge Pictures LLC., 2004.


Based on a ludicrous incident which happened on the Great Barrier Reef, in which the operators of a reef-diving tour boat forgot to perform a head-count as the day drew to a close and thus stranded two French tourists out at sea, in this re-telling, the French couple are swapped out for two Americans named Susan and Daniel. Both suffering from the stress of busy careers, the two take a break and decide to go diving offshore with a reef-diving company. Things start well: everyone gets into the water and there are many pretty shots of colourful fish, blue water and thriving coral (alas, would that it had stayed that way!). Soon enough, the boat operators perform a miscount and take the rest of the tourists home for the day, leaving Susan and Daniel stranded.

At this point, all of the interesting footage in this film has been seen. From here on in, all we have to look at are Susan’s and Daniel’s heads sticking out of the water and an endless succession of rolling waves. Sometimes it’s daytime, sometimes it’s night; occasionally there’s a point-of-view shot of a distant boat, or a way too high aeroplane; a storm sometimes blemishes the horizon. And, every now and then, a shark pops up to say “hello”.

Susan and Daniel’s life issues get well hammered out. They panic; they deny; they blame each other; they try to jolly each other along. Finally, one of them gets eaten and the other one gives up and drowns (and is eaten). I should probably have said “Spoiler Alert!” but, check it – it’s a movie about two people left behind in shark-infested waters. What did you think was gonna happen?

The format of this film is defined by its handheld camera-work. This gives the set-up phase of the film a nice sense of immediacy and intimacy, but when we hit the water it mainly instigates sea-sickness. Still, it’s a choice that the director of the next movie should have opted for, because it would have minimised a bunch of that film’s issues. Overall, this film was fairly tedious in the long-run: watching a young couple sort out their marriage issues, even while facing the possibility of being eaten alive, felt too much like watching reality TV, something that even the random emergence of ravenous sharks (“hello!”) couldn’t save. I’m giving it two Tentacled Horrors.

*****


RASCIONATO, Gerald, “Cage Dive”, Just One More Productions/Odin’s Eye Entertainment, 2016.


The tagline for this film is “First you find the sharks, then they find you!”. As menacing as that sounds, for some reason, the sharks in this film don’t seem to be able to find the people who deserve to be eaten anywhere near quickly enough! The moment I started watching this, I felt a distinct sense of déjà-vu: In pretty much all of its essentials, this film is a re-make of “Open Water”, but with a bigger budget and wa-a-a-ay more annoying lead actors.

The premise for this iteration centres around three young Americans, Jeff, Megan and Josh. Jeff is going out with Megan but, as we learn, she is two-timing him with his brother Josh. Incestuous much? The three of them decide to audition for a reality TV show (groan!) which seeks to emphasise their teamwork and survival skills, keeping hidden the fact that Jeff has a heart condition for which he needs medication, a detail that would automatically disqualify him from entering. Our trio decide to go shark-cage diving, film their effort and present the footage as their audition tape. To this end they fly to Adelaide in South Australia and get ready to face the fishies. While they’re in the shark cage, a freak wave capsizes the boat and they get jettisoned: in the aftermath they encounter a dead body with its face peeling off (which gets eaten), an hysterical girl (also eaten) and a purposeful guy who seeks to get everyone organised (eaten). Our trio end up clinging together and eventually float away from the sunken boat.

From here on in, it’s just heads bobbing in the waves, recriminations and panic and the eventual unravelling of the secret of just who Megan is sleeping with. Every now and then, a shark pops up to say “hello!”. Unlike “Open Water” however, random incidents happen to break the monotony: a life-vest floats past, giving them something to cling to and rest upon; an esky drifts past, tempting Jeff to strike out and capture it, thus splitting the party, a thing they were expressly told not to do if they ended up in the water (arguments ensue); and finally, a four-person inflatable life raft appears, which, after they grab it, inflate it, get stuck into the supplies and rescue another comatose female survivor of the boat, they then set fire to with a signal flare and burn to the waterline (along with the comatose woman). At this point I was actually yelling at the TV screen for the sharks to show up already!

Whereas “Open Water” used handheld camera-work to reasonable effect, “Cage Dive” decides to go one further: the film is established as the real, actual footage found in a damaged camera, detailing the last few days in 2012 of a doomed trio of Yank teens. Committing the movie to the ‘found footage’ trope, means that everything that happens has to be filmed by at least one of the main characters, and, when they’re all in the water, it starts to stretch the limits of credibility. Why are they filming when they could be doing something – anything! – to better effect? It simply underscores the fact that, shallow and affected as you think these three are, they are actually shallower than you can think.

And of course there’s the panic, the denial, the recriminations, the jollying along and the occasional Great White Shark (it’s South Australia – they’re all Great Whites). Boats and aeroplanes are too far away to see or be seen; sometimes it’s day, sometimes it’s night; occasionally a storm blemishes the horizon… you know the drill… “hello!”. Despite being dressed up with pretend news footage about efforts to find the missing boat and “interviews” with those involved who survived, the essential problem with this movie is that these three aren’t worth saving. There was some nice footage of a pod of whales at the beginning and a cheesy shot right at the end of the camera going down a shark’s gullet, but these are the only high points. I’m giving it one Tentacled Horror.

*****

A bigger budget doesn’t mean a better film as we’ve often seen before. “Open Water” did well enough with what it had but essentially, once the chum was in the drink, there’s not a lot to keep viewers interested, certainly not the endless domestic arguments that the couple resorts to in order to pass the time. “Cage Dive” did itself a great disservice by running the "Hollywood morality" playbook and by presenting itself as ‘real events’ – I just ended up pitying the sharks who had to try and digest those pathetic oiks. Wait! Maybe that’s why the sharks weren’t in any hurry to devour them?! All is explained…

PS: I just did some research (which I prolly should’ve done earlier!) and discovered that “Cage Dive” was billed in the US (and maybe elsewhere) as “Open Water 3: Cage Dive”. No wonder they seemed so similar! Here in Australia, there’s no clear connexion between them in any of the packaging or marketing and I haven’t seen any sign of “Open Water 2: Adrift”. Not that I’m going to go looking for it any time soon…


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